Shhhhh!

I have a little secret...but, you can't tell anyone else until I'm ready to share with the rest of the world. I debated whether or not to post anything on here yet, but this blog was created specifically for me to document my baby journey, so here goes nothing.

I am with child. There is a little baby growing inside of me! A. Baby. There's a bun in my oven! I don't know why I never felt like this day would finally come, but it has and it still feels surreal.

The only people who know are my close family and friends, and (now) you guys. My family wants me to keep it a secret until the risky period is over, but I like the idea of celebrating life to the fullest each day I have with this little life inside of me. Right now, I am one day shy of 5 weeks. I found out that I was expecting at 10 DPO (days past ovulation). Granted, the line was extremely faint and I was the only one who acknowledged a second line. I was using apps to alter the image (inverting it and whatnot) to show people what I was seeing clear as day (even though I was squinting and holding the test up to the light).

I tried to do a pregnancy announcement chalkboard thingy on Sunday, but I left my camera at home so JJ and I decided to try again before he leaves for work. We took some so-so photos with the iPhone, but it's raining now, so I doubt we'll be able to go outside for decent photos this morning.

Speaking of morning, I am now experiencing morning sickness, especially if I bend over or down to pick something up. The best way I can explain it is that it tastes really spicy and it gets stuck in my throat for awhile. I also feel icky when I brush my teeth, but no vomiting yet, just nausea and general icky-ness.

I can eat entire jars of pickles in one sitting, and I've done it three times already. Honestly, I feel like they're not sour enough. I have been craving salty and spicy foods, and pickles have become a go-to snack if I can't get my fix. I hate to be the stereotypical pregnant woman, but it is what it is! I also have extremely tender/fuller breasts and I always feel so bloated. It's awkward because it looks like I just ate too much and have too much gas...which are all true, I have to say. I'll wake up in the middle of the night to eat and pee. Ugh, I pee so much nowadays.

First trimester tiredness, as my friend told me, is no joke! I love that I have all these symptoms, because it reminds me of what's growing inside of me, but the fatigue!!! I was crying to JJ the other day, because I felt like my fatigue was really debilitating me. For example, I often nod off in the car when I'm driving. The other day I went to the bookstore to read up on baby stuff, but I didn't even last 10 minutes before I had to take a power nap in my car. When I came to, I decided to get some errands out of the way, but had to pull over into the Target parking lot to sleep in my car...again! I woke up sweaty and irritable. Same thing happened when I walked around Target for five minutes; I had to sit on the ground and recuperate a little, but my attempts were futile. I was so tired that I literally felt sick, and so I went home and took a real nap. Le sigh.

Hopefully, I'll get decent pictures with my dslr today or tomorrow. Gotta step up my pregnancy chalkboard game! Right now, little Baby Bigley thinks it's time for another nap and something to snack on.

 Love,

 Mamabear

crazy week

Good news or bad news first? Good news first.

My dessert toppers (see here) and wine ceremony box (see here) arrived, and I couldn't be more in love with them. I think the majority of the wedding stuff I bought came straight from Etsy. I'm from California and JJ's from Texas :)

Speaking of Texas, there's a crazy redneck there who tried to ruin my wedding last week; that's the bad news. She tried but my wedding team is comprised of true professionals who alerted me immediately when she tried impersonating me. She was mainly harassing me, but it was borderline criminal when she told my caterer to switch all my contact info with hers. My caterer didn't waste time calling the cops on her. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on this crazy mess. She's crazy. I know that, the people at the AT&T store know that, the cops know that, and her ex-best friends (who are now my friends) know that.

Aside from that, our weekend was great. We finished up invites and bought everything for JJ to wear for the wedding :)

Cheers to happy wedding planning.

Love,

J

  

wedding planning

I'm more of a DIY kind of bride. I dislike hotels, bling, and opulence.

I like nature, being down-to-earth, and being crafty.

I've been to weddings where people couldn't afford the lavish elegant weddings seen on television, but where the couple opted to go for the look anyways. Outcome? Honestly, JJ and I thought that those weddings were tacky and fake, not to mention stuffy. It was like the wedding was trying to be something that it wasn't. That's why I really like our outdoor, romantic, whimsical, and fun wedding theme, because we're not trying to be something we're not; it just works for us.

I'm not saying you can't pull off an opulent wedding on a budget, 

I'm just saying that I just haven't seen it first-hand, yet ;)

I got the hanger here, the temporary tattoos here, our striped straws here, and our programs here. Everything was bought from Etsy with the exception of the programs. 

I hope you enjoy our wedding progress!

Love,

J

 

adventures with my love

I cherish weekends like this, where we just go out and explore. It was much needed, between the stress from mourning the loss of my grandfather, and, of course, planning our wedding (that's literally just around the corner). Right now, I'm back in Florida with JJ but I'm going back to California soon. Like, in less than a month, I'll be back there to finish up wedding plans and what not. Well, I hope you enjoy the photos from our adventurous weekend :)

Love,

J

 

We started off the day with a much needed haircut for JJ.

Persian food for lunch -- yum!

Our first time at Serendipity 3. Definitely overrated.

Decent but overrated, people.

Goofing around Anthropologie ;)

Found my rehearsal dress at Vintage Revenge & Couture in Miami.

Asking people to take our photo, as if we were tourists.

somewhere over the rainbow

Christmas 2012 in Weatherford, Texas

In seventy-nine days, I'm going to marry my best friend, Jeremiah Bigley. We've been together for four years, and despite the roller-coaster of a relationship we've had, here we are. Here we are.

I think I've always known that I'd marry JJ. It was easy falling in love with his reassuring warmth and unconditional love, and I can't say that about a lot of people. There is another thing I've always known; I've always known that my grandfather would walk me down the aisle, on one of the biggest days of my life.

Exactly one month before my birthday, January 27th of this year, my grandfather, Joseph Sang-Sun Chong, passed away at the age of seventy-six. He had been battling lung cancer for months and his condition only worsened with pneumonia.

Meeting with vendors and wedding planning, in general, has proven to be more difficult than I imagined. I can barely hold back the tears at the thought of him being gone forever on a day-to-day basis, and I just can't imagine how I am supposed to compose myself on my wedding day. As I try to find the words to write this, tears keep raining down.

My grandfather was a man of very few words, but his legacy is mostly defined by his actions. My parents separated, then divorced, so my grandparents took to raising me and my sister — pretty much our entire lives. My grandfather never raised his hand or voice, instead he taught us how to use roller-blades and ride our first bikes. He was that kind of man. He took me to the park on most days, but our favorite pastime was hiking at Whiting Ranch, right behind my aunt's house.

When I was little I couldn't pronounce ha-da-buh-jee ("grandfather" in Korean), so I called him "hachi." He would tease me back and say, "hachi hachi hachi." If I napped long, he would call me Sleeping Ugly. He rarely showed that playful spirit to anyone else, so I feel blessed to have experienced such silliness with him. 

Always putting family first, my grandfather instilled in his children and grandchildren the value of unconditional love. He always carried a sense of calm around him, even during heartache and pain. I hope that during this time of grief, I too can learn to be calm and graceful like my grandfather. My grandfather was also a man of perseverance. On our treasured hikes, after a mile or two, I would get tired and hungry, and I would beg him to take us back home. However, he said that his goal was to make the four mile mark, and truth be told, he was a very stubborn man. He made me walk the 4 miles with him and it was dark by the time we made it back home. I remember watching the sun set with him, and thinking that the trials of our little hike were worth the beauty of that moment. The beautiful colors of gold, red, and purple looked majestic and mesmerized the both of us.

This journey and experience is painful and difficult, but in the end, I have learned to appreciate my grandfather's life. I have learned to step back and appreciate the way my grandfather has colored the lives of so many with kindness, generosity, patience, and unconditional love. His life is faceted with moments of happiness and purpose. From the time he taught his grandchildren to ride their first bikes and the time he recently celebrated his 50th anniversary with my grandmother, his time with us was worth every single trial and tribulation.

My grandfather was someone who had silver in his hair and gold in his heart. May he rest in peace, my hachi. 

Love,

J

The first time I saw him, after finding out about the cancer.

Rollerblading like a boss.

Another favorite pastime.

In Hawaii, or as I like to think, somewhere over the rainbow.

Celebrating their anniversary.

The happy couple in Korea.